FEEL THE FEAR (and do it anyway)

13/03/2017

Change can be a scary thing. Incredibly scary. Everything may come crashing down and obliterate the life you once knew, causing everything around you to burst into hellish flames. 

But here’s the thing. It can also be amazing.

If it’s something that you want to do, and you at least have (some) idea of how to set about pursuing it – what exactly is holding you back?

This is something I’ve had to ask myself numerous times, especially during my four year stint in a dead end job, sitting there wondering when things would change and why the hell this was happening to me. Facts were…I was scared. I mean, that’s the usual course of events isn’t it? “I can’t leave because I need the money…even though I don’t get any days off to enjoy the money…but this job is making me miserable….when I finish my shift I’m gonna apply for different jobs…but what job do I even want….” a whole carousel of shit, going on and on and on.

Those thoughts would still be droning on now if I hadn’t made that choice to walk away from that situation. Yes, there have been a lot of sacrifices that have been made to honour this decision, but the benefits have smushed them all into non factors, taking the majority of my stress with it.

Recent months have also seen a change in my style of work. I’ve spent the last few years being transfixed by flora, fauna and wildlife, obsessing over brightly coloured flowers and banana leaves, fantasising about sprawling out on the beach without a care in the world. I loved it (I still do, in actual fact).

I felt as though I was escaping to another dimension with every print I made, and it felt great…but after all these years…I realised there was so much more to be explored, and so much more I want to say.

Trouble was, I was so used to shooting through the same lens with the same subjects that I didn’t quite know where to start.

So I retreated.

There have long been many thoughts and visions I wanted to visually represent, but I had spent so long swinging in an imaginary hammock on a white sandy beach, that I was afraid to fly back to reality. I worried about a myriad of shit, from losing support, to taking forever to learn new techniques and defeatedly slinking back off into jobs I hated just to get by. Fear had started lodging in my house rent free, and me…the landlord, had not yet tackled this troublesome tenant, so it started taking the piss. Started taking over the house and letting all its friends in, slamming up my doors and dropping shit on the floor.

Point is, all it takes is that first step. If you never take that first step, you’ll be standing right where you are…forever. This time next year, 10 years, 20, 30 until you become crippled with arthritis and collapse into a defeated heap on the, okay I’m being a little dramatic but you understand where I’m going with this?

Live your life for you, do what feels good and never lose sight of yourself or your truth. Roll around in it, become one with it and for the love of all things great and good, don’t apologise for it.

Feel the fear and push through, you never know what happy accidents await.